Read They're So Vein by Susan Stec Online

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Susan is 58-years-old and bored with life. Middle age is a daily drudge of sagging body parts and aches and pains. Her fervent prayer that she could somehow recapture her youth comes true one night during a chance encounter with a child-like vampire. As soon as the other women in her family see the transformation they waste no time in sticking their necks out, hoping SusanSusan is 58-years-old and bored with life. Middle age is a daily drudge of sagging body parts and aches and pains. Her fervent prayer that she could somehow recapture her youth comes true one night during a chance encounter with a child-like vampire. As soon as the other women in her family see the transformation they waste no time in sticking their necks out, hoping Susan will share this new-found fountain of youth.Suddenly, this newly born group of hot-bodied vamps find themselves thrust into a world controlled by an ancient order of vampires. A world with rules, all of which the ladies pretty much break within hours of becoming immortals. And the little matter of the accidental epidemic of vamped out wildlife isn't exactly endearing them to the powers that be, either.They're So Vein is a hilarious and irreverent new twist on the paranormal/vampire romance genre....

Title : They're So Vein
Author :
Rating :
ISBN : 9781461043782
Format Type : Kindle Edition
Number of Pages : 268 Pages
Status : Available For Download
Last checked : 21 Minutes ago!

They're So Vein Reviews

  • Monica
    2018-11-05 11:09

    This is a good story but it didnt come without problems. Character wise this was a mess. They were mostly unlikable characters. For various reasons too. Susan is the main character but we hardly hear from her. She gets more vocal at the end but when that happens she grates. She's got 2 daughters one has been in trouble with drugs and the other is kinda mean. Then we have Zaire the lesbian lover of her daughter Resi which I didnt like her at all. Too much wanting to fight all the time. Susan's sister JoAnn...just didnt like her. Very unsupportive and whined through the whole book! I think the character I liked the most was Christopher. An older vampire in a childs body who started this whole thing and his reasons were warranted although he went about it wrong. No real romance in the book. A little but not much. They did some things together but they didnt even kiss...not that I remember and no love scenes. A little disappointing I do like humor in my books. However, it was more of the same humor throughout the book. There came a time when it wasnt funny but annoying. The women bickered way too much and there was a different feel to the book from the beginning compared to the middle and end. It was interesting and funny at the beginning and it just went south after that. I struggled with some word choices in the book. Like when leered is used but it really should have been sneered. There is a big difference between the 2 and the topic at the time was opposite. I just dont think this book worked that well. Its a good story but it just didnt come out right for me. It dragged on a lot. It never really went anywhere and when it did it was short lived. I think this book would have been better had it been shortened and cut out the needless things that made it too slow and all the arguing among the characters was just too much.

  • DelSheree
    2018-10-26 09:55

    All Susan wants is to get her phone over the bathroom stall wall so she can record the woman fighting with her seriously bratty child and post it on her website. One awkward fall later, and she lands herself in a mess of trouble. Becoming a vampire wasn’t quite what she meant she prayed for a more youthful body. To make things even worse, when her vain family members get a look at her new body they can’t wait to get a piece for themselves. I mentioned in yesterday’s post how much I enjoyed the humor in The Grateful Undead: They’re so Vein. It was over-the-top humor in many ways with crazy antics and characters that never seemed to stop, but there was also a deeper humor that stemmed from the idea of what a person might willingly give up in exchange for youthful bodies and immortality. The non-stop comedy bred a certain amount of chaos in the book. At times the chaos slowed the story down when outrageous arguments lasted a little too long or strayed away from the main story, but for the most part the humor kept the story moving at a swift pace. It was hard to ever predict where the story was going, but I felt certain that whatever popped up next was going to have me laughing. The story itself was enjoyable. It was light, and flowed along with the laughs. I was expecting a little bit more complicated plot at first, but really, how serious and deep can you get with vampire raccoons and pint-sized century-old vampires? This was more of a situation comedy. There aren’t intricate plot twists or overly complex designs. The characters are over the top as well, but each one has a unique personality. The odd dynamic of the family only increases that craziness and fun. The characters are definitely memorable. The majority of this book was dialog between the characters – largely arguments that were funny – but there were times when the dialog could have been broken up more often to give readers a break from the intensity of the characters. Despite being a very funny book, there are some aspects that may turn readers off. There is a decent amount of profanity throughout the book. There are multiple sexual references and several sexual scenes – one of which got quite graphic. Two of the characters are homosexual, and there relationship is discussed throughout the book. If you’re a reader that doesn’t care to read these types of things, this book is not for you, as they are found through the majority of the book. Because of these, this book does earn a spot on my “No way would I let my teenage nieces read this” book list. This book is a fun, quick read that’s great for when you need a break from all the serious day to day stress. Would I recommend this book? With caution, mainly because of the amount of language, sex, and homosexuality. It is a very funny book, and while some readers will have no problem with these, others will. If you want comedy and don’t mind the adults themes, you’ll really enjoy this book. If you don’t want to read those sorts of themes, this book is not for you. Who would I recommend this book to? Vampire enthusiasts won’t find the brooding and serious vamps they might be expecting, but I think vampire lovers and those who never really jumped on the Twilight bandwagon can enjoy Stec’s vampires. Comedy readers will love it. It’s definitely one for adults, though. I think chick lit readers will enjoy this as well as those who are in the stage of wishing their cute and perky days weren’t so far behind them. Teens and those looking for cleaner comedy may want to choose something else.Check out my other reviews on The Edible Bookshelf

  • Natasha Larry
    2018-10-27 09:59

    I loved this book! I’ve never read anything like it, which is always a win in my book. At first, when I saw it was about vampires, I wasn’t sure, but I haven’t read a vampire novel in a while, so I wanted to give it a try. Another thing that made me want to give the book a try was the cover. Yes, I’m a sucker for a great cover, and this book has a great cover. Anyway, I’m glad the first vampire novel I’ve read in a while was this one! First, a brief over view. Susan, a middle-aged woman who is bored with being middle-aged and with life in general, is attacked in a gas station bathroom by a tiny, bratty little vampire (Christopher) and joins the ranks of the undead. Her first act as a vampire is to kill her sister’s beloved pet, Tootles. And yeah, Johann (Susan’s sister) isn’t at all happy about that.After that, the fun starts. And I mean, fun. I had more fun reading this book than I have in a long time. It’s hilarious. I love all the characters and want to hang out with them. I even love Johann, even though I think she’s supposed to annoy you. I like that she’s herself no matter how much her mother and sister’s complain. The best, and most hilarious part of this book, for me at least, is that her family begs Susan to make them into vampires too. The reason is great! They want to be young and hot too! Susan isn’t sure at first, but winds up turning her entire family into the funniest vamps ever. Except Jenni, who is cool even as a mortal.I love the interaction between this family! Susan’s mom is by far my favorite character. She gives not a f*ck. She’s in her new, young body, and she’s going to have fun by drinking blood and getting laid. A lot. Phenomenal character. One of my faves now.But, of course, all books need conflict. It enters this story when Johann accidentally turns a raccoon into a vampire raccoon. Ooops. This is also funny as hell. The raccoon actually gets the best of Johann, which I thought was great, and winds up creating a critter vampire population. Enter the vampire bosses. They send them the rules of being a vampire, a fact that isn’t cool with the girls, especially Zaire, who is sassy and just wants to bite everyone’s head off, especially Dorius. She manages not to, and the Stech klan works with the vampire council to get the critter vamp population under control. After they figure out they have some cool powers, mind control, telekinesis, just to name a few. Add one super hot sex scene between the vampire Marcus and Susan and this book is winning!Love it. If you love great characters and hilarious, back and forth dialogue, get in on this one!

  • T.W. Barton
    2018-11-04 08:56

    Every time I think I've read everything new in the Vampire genre along comes an unexpected treat.I got this book as part of a box set called Magic and Mayhem.While action/thriller is my main read, I admit to loving some good vampire and magic stories too. I find that I prefer when these genres have comedy in them like the fantastic series from Rick Gualtieri and John Locke.Even now after I've read this book it's really hard to pen a good description of it now. At times my brain felt like a pinball slamming around as this family of crazy women goes at each other. Imagine a family of, let's say, more mature women, who happens to have a desire for that often wished for, fountain of youth, who also happen to all live together, with the fire of Italian heritage flowing through their veins, and a matriarch that could be referred to as a wannabe nympho and you can only imagine what happens when the possibility of unending youth and life is not only a dream but a reality.The realization of that miracle dream come true is not without consequences. Mayhem is the polite word for what these vain, slightly crazy women unleash on their unsuspecting community as they stumble around trying to figure out their new lot in life while unknowingly breaking every rule the vampire council has. I'm fairly sure that this is the first book that I've read with vampiric wildlife and a newly minted geriatric with an insatiable sex drive. It will have you laughing and shaking your head while you're unable to put it down.There are times I was overwhelmed by the family feuding that made my brain hurt trying to follow but I just couldn't put it down. I had to know what happened next.If you're looking for some hilarity to pass your leisure time then I would recommend this book for some guiltless escapism.

  • Livvie
    2018-10-22 10:17

    I'm giving this one 2 and a half stars and going to try the next in the series to see if it gets better.The biggest issues with this story: 1. Way to much use of foul language, I was starting to wonder if these people could have a conversation without dropping God and damn together. 2. It dragged quite a bit in places, making you feel like there was no forward progress. 3. I felt almost like I was reading a Lynsay Sands fanfiction with a few other popular vamp books thrown in, not because of the references to the other vamp romances but due to the mythology of their worlds being all lumped together. 4. Very little of the main lead. 5. Zaire I hated her with a passion so very annoying. 6. All of these women were so hostile it was hard to like any of them, though Jeni would have to be my favorite.The best parts: 1. It had some funny scenes that I did LOL out loud with. 2. Marcus, though I do worry that she described him as looking like Steven Segal, I'm going to picture someone hot not middle aged with a paunch and balding. 3. Gibby, the little fairy was hilarious. 4. Jeni and Paul's romance (in fact I only bought the next book to see how they develop as a couple. While the bad outweighs the good in this book I have read worse. If you are looking for a draws you in and won't let you stop reading story I'd look elsewhere, if you are desperate and can't find anything else to read I'd say this is a book for you.

  • Carlyle Clark
    2018-11-11 07:10

    Susan Stec's THE UNGRATEFUL DEAD: THEY'RE SO VEIN, is a rip-snorting satire on all things vampiric and paranormal. If comedy lurks on the other side of any societal boundary, you can be certain Susan's characters will sashay across it without a backwards glance.Rather than following the current convention of brooding immortals, Susan gives us a zany family of middle-aged and elderly women suddenly returned to the prime of their youth (albeit an undead youth), with the bonuses of being gorgeous vampires. Rather than whining about it, they glory in it, but their outrageous behavior has not gone unnoticed. There's hierarchy and rules for paranormal beings, and as the girls have been adjusting to their undead lives, they've tromped their stiletto heels all over them, and unfortunately, the Lords of the Undead are not the forgive nor the forget type.As someone who's overdosed on the vampiric saturation of the entertainment industry, I was hesitant to give this a shot despite recommendations from friends, but I'm very glad I did because Susan has breathed freshness into genre that needed it badly.Highly recommended for fans of Charlaine Harris's "Sookie Stackhouse" novels, and Christopher Moore's BLOODSUCKING FIENDS, or basically any of his work.

  • chucklesthescot
    2018-10-21 06:18

    I'm always wary about books that claim to be funny as I rarely find them funny and this was the case with this book.OK I can see why other people found the book amusing. But for me, I just found it plain annoying to watch a group of mature women acting like young kids in the playground. It was all very immature and tiresome and I gave myself a headache from all the rolling of my eyes skyward as the situations got more ridiculous. They were pouting, whining, sulking and calling each other names like a bunch of very annoying toddlers and I could only bear a few chapters before it got too dumb for me.It's not a bad book-nothing wrong with the writing or anything like that. The type of humour just did not appeal to me in any way and just because I didn't like it doesn't mean the book or author are bad. I'm sure it will appeal to plenty other people.

  • Kristin
    2018-11-07 11:08

    A unique take on the traditional vampire tale. My only real criticism is the catty confusing female family fights. One because its just annoying. And two because one or two of these outbursts are hard to follow, thus throwing me out of the story. And I usually love snark...so something didn't flow in these parts. I also didn't like JoAnn, but I don't think we're supposed to. I would've drained her and left her for dead, family or not. The surprising parts were that the first two vamps you see are not a love interest for the main character. Usually we meet the enemy or the love first...and that's not quite what happened here.I plan to continue the series. I just hope I survive the family snits in future installments.

  • BK Blue
    2018-11-02 09:13

    I liked the premise better before I actually started reading it. Jesus Christ that family is annoying as hell. So are the rest of the characters. The whole book is them bitching at each other. I'm not kidding. The grandmother had a couple funny lines and the one actual sex scene was hot. Those are the only reasons why this even got 3 stars. I thought the child vampire idea would be interesting, but even Christopher was annoying for most of the book.I was disappointed with this book, and at myself for finishing it. I probably could have liked the main character more if she had just knocked one of her family members out or something, instead of just bitching or ignoring them. LolOr maybe I am just irritable. I was just irritable.

  • Denise Sherman
    2018-11-15 08:11

    I simply loved reading They're so Vein by Susan Stec. She has a unique style of her own in writing. I was simply pulled from the first few pages... loved the humorous parts and the snarky comments that the 5 ladies have with each other...Susan the main character in the story is awesome... I simply love how she handles things when something happened in a public bathroom... and Joanne is a riot... Nanna (the grandmother), Resi (Susan's daughter) and Zaire (who is a black lady with an awesome snarky attitude and Resi's lover)... These ladies are the best... Then there is Jennifer (Jenni for short) she is Susan's other daughter... Something happens on there property with the wild life...Do they take care of the problem? For the answer to this question you will need to read this book

  • Audra Middleton
    2018-10-26 12:10

    The Grateful Undead By Susan StecI love the idea of a humor-based vampire series. Susan’s characters are a total crack-up and I truly enjoy the mad-cap adventures they get themselves into. Plus she’s got some sexy stuff in there too, so it’s a full-on entertainment package. If you don’t mind a little blood, sex, and swearing, you’re sure to enjoy this one.

  • Jeanne Bannon
    2018-10-22 04:14

    Susan Stec's wrting is delightful, hilarious and very entertaining. This is a vampire/supernatural novel like you've never read before. It is unique and refreshing. The Grateful Undead is filled with wonderful characters that you'll wish you knew personally and will keep you wanting more. I, for one, am grateful she's writing a series as one book is simply not enough. I loved it!

  • Suki Michelle
    2018-11-03 05:54

    I took a chance on this novel because I really like Sookie Stackhouse and True Blood on HBO and I've already read all of Christopher Moore's stuff and this looked like it was something similar. I'm happy that I did because even though it doesn't have the "chills up the spine" moments of True Blood, it's incredibly funny and a great light page-turner. Really looking forward to the sequel!

  • Angela Fristoe
    2018-10-18 03:51

    Read an advanced version of this book, and it was hilarious! The characters are a riot and shed an entirely new light on vampires. This promises to be great series!

  • Clive
    2018-11-09 12:01

    I am not usually a fan of Vampire books, but I loved this, with tons of humor and a very good story.

  • Shelana
    2018-11-02 04:52

    Funny Book, can't wait for volume 2!

  • Melinda James
    2018-10-18 08:02

    Funny beyond belief! I laughed from page one through the last page.

  • Launi
    2018-11-05 08:14

    Very funny take on vampires!! Any supernatural readers would love this book.

  • Laura Wolf
    2018-11-15 06:49

    4.5 STARSVery Hilarious Story of a 58 year old woman who discovers the fountain of youth when bitten by a bratty Vamp. And if comes with a hodge podge of funny antics as her family all get into the act along with the Vamp council and her new Hunny Bunny Marcus LOL Not my usual read but Fun! Would have gotten a 5 star review but needs more editing!

  • Peter
    2018-11-15 10:11

    An original and funny take on vampires: a bunch of ladies want to be vampires because it makes them younger and look good again - all the way to the grandma. Really funny and original writing, one of the best books in the 21 book collection it was part of.

  • Katie
    2018-11-01 11:18

    This sounded really promising, and I even thought I could look past the bad writing. It started off with funny bits here and there, but the characters were so annoying I couldn't take more than 6 chapters.

  • Darcy Thorn
    2018-11-12 03:52

    I absolutely loved this book. Engaging realistic characters and so calm funnyLove it. Wish my family was so funny and the story moves quickly. Can't wait to read the rest. Cheers

  • Amanda Showalter
    2018-11-09 06:10

    This is book 1 in The Grateful Undead Series. In it we meet Susan who is a middle aged woman (58). As a result her body is sagging and she wishes to be back to when she looked amazing. Her wish is "answered" when she runs into a vampire. When others close to her see how she is changing they ask her to change them as well. What they don't realize is that the Vampire world is just as controlled as the human world and has just as many rules. The bad part is they break almost all of them very early on. These new vamps are hilarious as they try to read about their new status in vampire books. Of course they don't "report" to the council in time and that makes them in deep trouble.My favorite character is Susan and the one I really didn't like was Joann because she was just so darn annoying. I also think that making Zaire so confrontational wasn't needed. Another review called them the "Golden Girls of the Vampire World" and that just fits them so well and makes me laugh. They also learn about creatures others than vamps which include trolls, fairies, and werewolves. Sadly though I found the characters to be very 1 dimensional and underdeveloped and the plot was meh. There is so much more that could have been done with this book because it is a new idea in vampire books.

  • Timothy Bateson
    2018-11-02 03:51

    When vanity turns a whole family into vampires, be prepared for laughs The Grateful Undead starts out strong with They're So Vein. Susan Stec takes the old vampire stories, myths, and legends and turns them on their heads. From the very start, Susan's family make us laugh with their interpersonal relationships, familial quirks, and outlandish personalities.I picked this book up because I was lucky enough to win the second book in a Facebook contest that Susan hosts for the All Hallows Reads event. I am glad that I did, because this was a fast, entertaining, and thoroughly amusing read. Congratulations on making this a series that I will have to read in its entirety. I can't wait to start on Gator Baitin'.

  • Wende
    2018-11-15 09:06

    Susan was a great character. Funny if a bit over the top. I could not get enough of her and her family of misfits. Nothing is sacred as the girls go from one madcap missteps to another. From the vampire child,the animals, and then to a nympho grandma. I loved how I laughed so hard my stomach hurt. This was a different take on vampires and this book did not take itself seriously. I hope poor Christopher who is a cursing century old toddler gets to grow up. After Susan he is my favorite. Susan and Marcus were hot together. They had instantly been in lust and the sex between them is not for faint of heart. Loved this book.

  • Alice
    2018-11-01 08:54

    Is this really funny?Jerry Springer set becomes vampires. Some people may enjoy this. Some people watch Jerry Springer. These family members had little connection with each other, no concern about anyone becoming a vampire, whether another member wants to join or not, and if they need to ask permission from a donor. I could not connect or care about anyone in this book and had to stop at one third into it. I read until the Hero was introduced and he's no winner either. Stake them all.This is very unfortunate as the idea of a group of senior citizens turning and becoming young is a very good one. These seniors should've been staked before they became vampires.

  • Amy
    2018-11-05 05:12

    Loved it!Definitely a really interesting read. Being in the wrong place at the wrong time this woman was attacked and turned into a vampire. Who then ends up turning her whole family. And they try to learn how to survive by cheesy novels. When they were summoned by the head people of the vampire world they didn't immediately answer because they didn't know so they end up in a lot of trouble. I loved that the one woman accidentally bit and made a vampire raccoon. Who proceeds to make a animal vampire army. Can't wait to read the next book!

  • Michelle
    2018-10-28 05:08

    20% complete: I expected humor but sadly this falls flat. So far the only thing I see are mature adults acting as adolescents.47% done and all hope is lost! This book is like watching a rodent on a plastic wheel - it keeps going around and around without really going anywhere!Sadly I have to advise - don't bother! I thought this had potential but it was not to be! I'm moving on to better things! :-)

  • Glenn Harris
    2018-11-04 07:17

    This hilarious paranormal romp features a highly dysfunctional family of women who become vampires without a clue about what it really means or what the rules are. They just want to be immortal and hot. Suffice it to say they are not a welcome addition to the vampire community. First of a series and I'm looking forward to reading more.

  • Ian McClellan
    2018-11-15 10:09

    The characters in this book were great and reminded me of what my own very dysfunctional family would be like if we were all female and undead. A great story and a lot of humor that made me want to keep turning pages even when I couldn't. I was going to give it a four but went with a five because of all the awesome foul language.